I was away from home this weekend performing stand-up, so my wife and daughter indulged their tradition of movie night. My absence gives them the perfect opportunity to have a girl’s night in and hopefully makes my absence a little more bearable for my daughter. I say hopefully because I’d like to believe that my daughter misses me desperately when I travel and I don’t want her to start looking forward to my departures so that she and her mother can have their party time. Since I feel as though I’m competing with my wife for my children’s affections, I normally watch the movie with my daughter upon my return.

Well you can imagine my surprise when I learned that the movie they decided to watch was none other than Quantum of Solace, starring the best Bond ever, Daniel Craig. The reason why you can imagine my surprise is that they actually watched The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2. I can’t believe I missed the first one. The movie stars America Ferrera, Amber Tamblyn, Alexis Bledel and Blake Lively and centers on their struggle to maintain their friendships as they navigate one of the most confusing times in any young person’s life – college. The young women have made a pact to pass along a pair of blue jeans to each member of their group along with a story from their recent life that they might stay connected. The girls experience tremendous strains on their relationships due to a combination of distance and the general challenges of adjusting to college life. Ultimately they realize that their bond of friendship is a fragile and delicate commodity that is to be cultivated and cherished, or it will be lost.

I asked my daughter why she liked this movie and she told me, “because the girls are very good friends who work things out.” I resisted the temptation to tell her what my parents told me about friendship, which was: “If you find one friend in this life outside of us and your siblings, then you are a truly lucky person”. My parents did me no small disservice by letting me in on such an onerous philosophy at such an early age. As I got older I began to realize that friendship is a huge responsibility that most people don’t consider seriously; and because of that I became extremely cautious about whom I called a friend. My daughter is at an age where she feels as if her friends will be around forever and I’ve already told her that there is no Santa Claus, so I certainly don’t want to be the one to tell her that most people that come into your life will some day leave in the same fashion. Some will leave because you will just grow apart, others will move away and geography will cause you to lose touch, and others will just keep hitting on your girlfriends until you have to teach them a lesson by having sex with their wife (just kidding, I punched him). I’m positive that my daughter will figure out the tenants of friendship without undue intervention from me, just as I had to figure out that my parents were a little harsh in their assessment of the rarity of camaraderie. In the meantime I hope she has the good fortune of experiencing many great relationships, because not everyone is made to be your friend. Some people come into your life but for a season; however that doesn’t mean that they can’t contribute to your life or enrich you as a person. I think too many of us get caught up in the friendship measuring game and we miss out on what could be excellent relationships with those who are not necessarily close friends.

At one of this weekend’s performances a good buddy from my high school and college days showed up to see my show. I hadn’t talked to him in years but we were pretty close during the time that we hung out. He knows my family and I know his, but the routine of life cut off the frequency of our communication. When I saw him we talked about old friends and the good times we used to have together; and at the end of our conversation we exchanged numbers and declared that we would get the old gang back together for a gathering. I’m definitely going to give him a ring and follow up — but one thing I won’t do is send him a pair of old jeans.